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TMoon51880@aol.com Date: Thu, 25 Jan 2001 00:51:12 EST Subject: Icthen Ein BiggerBetterFasterMore Before we begin, let's clear up one thing. Last week at one of our shows, a lovely young lady commented to me that she had seen the band several times and was absolutely enchanted with everything that we did (of course!), but that she had observed Jody and me sucking down large quantities of alcohol at all of these shows and maybe, just maybe we could be alcoholics (gasp). Well, dear friends, I am categorically denying that any one in BiggerBetterFasterMore is an alcoholic! Sure, we enjoy adult beverages on occasion, but we are not alcoholics! Alcoholics go to meetings. We have NEVER, EVER gone to any meetings! (cue rim shot). Apologies are in order to any of our buddies that made it out to GENOVA'S last Saturday to see us. The weather got ugly and for the safety of band and crew, we had to cancel the show at the last minute. I suppose we can't complain too much, because we have literally gone for years without one single weather related cancellation that I can recall. Alas, Mother Nature gave us a good bitch-slappin' and we had to stay home. If you are one of the people that ventured out in that slop to see us, we want to make it up to you, so just let us know that you were at GENOVA'S and you'll receive a hickey from the band member of your choice. Never fear, we won't miss any shows this week, cuz I for one need some DAMN MONEY!! So come out and see us on Friday, Jan. 26 at the very seat of our awesome rock and roll power: THE OLDE OWE TAVERN in Frederick, Md 301-695-1454. We have sooooo much fun here that we frequently have to stop and adjust our pants (you know cuz they get ummmmm, uncomfortable....you know). I guarantee that if you come to this show you'll have so much fun that your digestive system will be permanently damaged. Sounds pretty tempting huh? Because we are glutenous and greedy we will be dipping deep into the party well again on Saturday night Jan. 27 as we pimp-strut into LIGHTNING JACK'S in Pasadena, Md 410-437-6722. This place has a raw, naked energy all it's own and we are very happy to be coming back. Were you at the last show at this place? Well, if you weren't I'm not gonna tell you the stuff that happened, but I am gonna STRONGLY encourage you to make plans to attend. I'm pretty sure that anyone who attends this show will experience hearing loss, toenail fungus and warts in hard to reach places. Gotta check it out, don't ya think? BIG NEWS FOR OUR EASTERN SHORE FRIENDS AND ANYBODY ELSE WHO ISN'T AFRAID TO DRIVE A LITTLE FOR SOME KICK ASS ADVENTURE!! On Saturday, Feb. 3 we will be playing a fund raiser of some sort for some club or another (I'm tight with the details huh? I'm sure their a nice club of some sort. We wouldn''t play for the nazi's or anything like that, I'm sure. But I'll call management just in case) at the TALBOT COUNTRY CLUB in the Easton area. This event is open to the public (hey they wanna raise funds, don't they) and, get this......IT'S A FREEKIN' TOGA PARTY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did you hear me? IT'S BIG, FAT, HAIRY, HOLY S#*T, SON OF A BIATCH, MUTH F*#KING TOGA PARTY!!!!!!!! Do you know what that means? Have you seen ANIMAL HOUSE? If not get your culturally deprived ass to the video store. This is gonna be wild, my friends. Just picture it, men and women of all shapes and sizes done up in the best roman empire garb that they could piece together from the sheets in their linen closets. Some will even wear sandals and decorative rings of ivy around their heads. AND NOT ONE SINGLE PERSON WILL BE WEARING UNDERWEAR!!!! Is there anything more thrilling than hanging out with a group of people and knowing that underneath their clothes, their naughty parts are just swingin' free in the breeze? No, to my knowledge there is not! The tickets to this event are $50 per person and before you get to squealing like a little piggy that can't get to it's momma's teat, keep in mind that the $50 ticket price includes a buffet dinner, beer and wine and all the BiggerBetterFasterMore you can cram down your gob! All tickets must be purchased in advance, none will be available at the door, cuz that would be too easy. You can call Dave Douglas at either 410-763-7393 or 443-496-4282 and he'll be happy to hook you up with some of these golden tickets. If you have trouble reaching this fella, you can email me here or call our high powered, Ruben Kincaid style manager, Tom Moon at 410-828-9400 and make him work for his 15%. But we'd love to see ya there. Know what I mean, Vern? Jody and I will be performing (and drinking) with BLAME CHRISTA on Thursday at PUTTY HILL STATION and on SUNDAY at THE HORSE in Fells Point. I'm told that Sunday is the super bowl and that Baltimore's team is playing. I didn't even know we had a basketball team. I'm such a girl.......... Anyway, it's just what we all need; an excuse to get hammered and pee-pee in the street. HEY, www.BiggerBetterFasterMore.net has many naked pictures of you, your family and your pets (we bought them from disgruntled former lovers; ours, not yours). Log on and see if the lighting is flattering. ATTENTION CITIZENS OF THE BALTIMORE AREA. BBFM will doing our only Baltimore area show on Saturday, Feb. 10 at MARINER'S LANDING in DUNDALK. We want to bring the BIGGEST crowd in our history to this folksy little joint on the shores of the Dundalk River (I really have no idea what river it's on). Come early, have some dinner. Stay late, have lots of intoxicants and watch us kick your asses!!!!! Bring some friends! If you no longer wish to be on this list, you should work on not being so flighty.....say so and your history. My work here is done, Ted Mick Jordie Vice President Dick Chaney
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